40 Before 40

Turning 40 has made me reflect on how quickly life moves and how easy it becomes to lose yourself in the process of surviving it.

Somewhere between motherhood, marriage, healing, financial stress, building a business, caregiving, responsibilities, and simply trying to keep everything afloat, I realized I had spent years prioritizing everyone and everything around me while slowly disconnecting from myself.

To be honest, there was a period of time where I felt completely lost.

I had given half of my life to someone I deeply loved, only to eventually realize that the person I built that life beside was no longer truly there anymore. Coming to terms with that reality was heartbreaking in ways I cannot fully explain. There is a particular kind of grief that comes from mourning someone who is still physically alive but emotionally, mentally, or spiritually no longer part of the life you once shared.

Losing Yourself While Holding Everything Together

For a long time, I stayed focused on surviving. Taking care of the kids. Managing responsibilities. Holding everything together. Continuing to show up even when internally I felt exhausted, disconnected, and uncertain about who I even was anymore outside of the roles I had carried for so many years.

This past year has been one of the most transformative years of my life.

It is my first year divorced. My first year truly learning who I am outside of the roles I carried for so long. My first year reclaiming my sovereignty, rebuilding my identity, and creating a life that feels aligned with the woman I am becoming rather than the version of myself that was simply surviving.

It has not been easy. Healing rarely is.

There have been moments filled with grief, uncertainty, exhaustion, fear, loneliness, and rebuilding. There have also been moments of clarity, freedom, empowerment, creativity, and deep personal growth. More than anything, this year has forced me to confront the reality that life is not meant to be endlessly postponed while waiting for the “right time” to finally live it.

What has impacted me even more deeply is recognizing that my children have been walking through this alongside me.

They have seen me cry. They have seen me overwhelmed. They have seen moments where I completely lost my footing more than I would like to admit. They have also seen me continue to get back up.

They watched me make one of the hardest decisions of my life. They watched me leave behind a life that no longer felt healthy or aligned. They watched me take risks, chase dreams, build a business from the ground up, move to Mexico, and attempt to create a new beginning despite fear and uncertainty.

They have also witnessed the effects addiction can have on a person, a relationship, and an entire family. Addiction does not only impact the individual struggling with it — it ripples through everyone connected to them. It changes homes, relationships, finances, emotional safety, and the nervous systems of the people who love them.

As a mother, there is guilt that comes with knowing your children witnessed your pain. But there is also something important I hope they carry from this chapter of our lives.

I hope they learn that pain does not have to define you.

I hope they learn that life can break you open without destroying you.

Why I Created a “40 Before 40” List

Most importantly, I hope they learn that when life becomes difficult, they have the strength to rise rather than escape.

We live in a world where so many people cope by numbing themselves, disconnecting, shutting down, or running from their pain through addiction, avoidance, self-destruction, or endless distraction. I understand how easy it is to fall into those patterns because I have witnessed firsthand how deeply pain can consume a person.

But I want my children to see a different path too.

I want them to understand that healing is possible. That rebuilding is possible. That even after heartbreak, grief, disappointment, trauma, or loss, you can still choose growth. You can still choose purpose. You can still choose to rebuild your life rather than abandon yourself within it.

That is one of the biggest reasons I created my “40 Before 40” list.

Not as a superficial bucket list or a collection of unrealistic goals, but as a conscious commitment to myself. A reminder that life is meant to be experienced fully — through adventure, connection, healing, creativity, movement, stillness, joy, and presence.

Many of the things on my list are simple. Others are deeply personal. Some challenge me physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Collectively, however, they represent something much larger: my decision to begin participating in my own life again.

I want to finish The Do It For You Method™ because it represents years of lived experience, healing, growth, and the desire to create spaces that genuinely help women reconnect with themselves.

I want to train for my half marathon and complete a 10KM race because movement has become less about appearance and more about rebuilding trust, discipline, resilience, and confidence within my body.

I want to spend intentional time with my children — camping, hiking, floating the Pembina River, sitting around campfires, and creating meaningful memories together — because I understand how quickly childhood passes and how valuable presence truly is.

I want to host outdoor sound baths, attend healing experiences as a participant, meditate for extended periods of time, and spend an entire day in silence because I have come to understand how deeply the nervous system requires stillness, reflection, and restoration in a world that constantly demands more from us.

I want to buy a paddle board, attempt sourdough bread, try wakeboarding, attend a pole dancing class, and go on a blind date because healing should not only consist of processing pain. It should also include rediscovering joy, curiosity, playfulness, spontaneity, and adventure.

I want to continue investing in my education, complete another course, build financial stability, and expand my business because personal growth also requires structure, responsibility, and long-term vision.

Most importantly, I want to continue becoming the kind of woman who no longer abandons herself in the process of caring for others.

“She did not rise because life became easy.
She rose because she decided she would no longer allow pain to define her story.”

For many years, I lived in survival mode. I became so focused on carrying responsibilities that I forgot that I was also deserving of joy, softness, rest, connection, creativity, and experiences that made me feel fully alive.

This list is not about achieving perfection before I turn 40.

It is about choosing to live intentionally.

It is about learning that healing and happiness can coexist. That rebuilding your life can also include beauty and adventure. That starting over does not mean failure — sometimes it means finally returning home to yourself.

There is something incredibly powerful about reaching a point in life where you stop asking for permission to become who you are meant to be.

This season of my life feels exactly like that.